Socialization???

This picture is from a month ago during the height of dewberry (blackberry) season. We love to hunt all over our property eating as much as we can a saving a few. One day the boys came to me with a 3/4 full small cup of berries and informed me that they cost $1. After the shock wore off, considering all the years of pricked and stained fingers i endured to share berries with them, I settled on $.75 (since it wasn't full) and applauded their entrepreneurial skills. Small businesses have to start somewhere! Just a side note.

on to my real post....


This is part of an email from Heart-to-Heart with Diane who owns http://www.lovetolearn.com/ -a great homeschool resource. I subscribe to her blog and always enjoy what wisdom she has to share!





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I read in the news that a new study has proven that the mother* in a family has enormous power to socialize the children. It's not the school, it's not the parents' education or income level, it's not the opportunities that child has for extra classes or summer camps that matters. It is the way the mother interacts with the children that makes a difference—a difference that lasts a lifetime. The results of the study show that mothers who point out to their children, from as young as 2 years old, the way other people are feeling in any circumstance helps that child to think of others, become more compassionate, more sensitive, and more "socialized". A child who has been taught to say "you go first", who has been taught to think about how his actions affect others, grows into a caring and compassionate adult. By age 12, children who have been trained by their mother to perceive the needs of others are already exemplifying adult levels of socialization! This confirms that experience that I have had in my homeschool. It seems by about the age of 12 years, homeschooled children are socially capable, able to handle themselves confidently around adults, able to befriend the lonely and watch out for the needs of other people.





When I was a girl on a family vacation, while driving through the forest I saw a billboard that had been put up by a Christian camp. The word "J-O-Y" appeared most visible, but as we drove closer, the message became clear: J for Jesus, O for others, Y for yourself. In that order. It made an impression on me. I realized that was the formula for joy! That stuck with me through the years and right into mothering. I had never been taught that directly, and it was like a revelation to me!





"Socialization" is usually the main concern others express when we tell them we are homeschooling. I know my mother still worries about it. I think as homeschooling moms, we innately understand that the socialization of our children really lies within us, and how we approach life, and how much the "J-O-Y" formula is a part of our daily living.





On Sunday at church, my 19 yr. old daughter and I were walking alongside an elderly lady with a cane when a teenage girl rushed hurriedly past. My daughter quietly remarked to me that if she herself had done that, even at age 3, she knows I would have pulled her out of the way and told her to think how frightening it must feel to the elderly lady to have someone rush by, threatening her stability. I am sure that teenage girl didn't even have a clue. If your children are at school all day around children their own age, you have less time and opportunity to teach them to think of how others feel. If you don't talk to them about caring for others, the result is that they are less socialized.





Academics are one part of homeschooling, and we rejoice when that goes well. But socializing our children to be caring, sensitive and wonderful people is far more important. Thank goodness homeschooling gives us the time, and the mindset to do so.





Hurrah for homeschooling!





*Note: unfortunately the study could not research the effect of a father on the socialization of his children, because they could not find a sufficient number of fathers who spent enough time with their children to make a significant difference.

Time With The Lord

Motherhood doesn't allow for us to always do what we want, when we want when it comes to a daily devotion time; someone gets hurt, we have to change a poopy diaper, "i'm hungry", the phone rings, and on and on. I don't always have to the chance to sit for an extended time and just read my bible like i'd like to. I've struggled off and on with the guilt of not having a "daily devotion" early in the morning like many people say I should be doing. But i know that we are not all robots that perform and do things the exact same way, at the same time every day. God created us to be different. What works for one, doesn't always work for another.

Should we all be spending time with the Lord each day, reading his word and praying, yes! But it's not something that we should do because we have to so we can check it off our list. God wants our whole heart, not just a check mark on our daily list.

What i have come to know is that motherhood is about sacrifice. We give ourselves over to the care, nuture, and soul-shaping of the precious lives that have been lent to us. We sacrifice that savored one-on-one time we used to be able to spend with the Lord as long as we needed. For around 18-30 years (depending on how many children you have) a mother's life is not her own.

If 18-30 years sounds like a lot to you, it's really not in the span of a 100 year life, or even a 75 year life. It's really only like a couple of hours in the span of a day. That's scary to me and kind of sad. We really only have such a short time to teach and train our children before they are off on their own way. Yet, it is so important! Their future heavily depends on this time spent at home with you. Mothers give so much time in pouring out love, effort, emotion, and thought into our children's life so that they can one day, very soon, stand on their own. As a mother of young children, it can seem as if they are never going to grow up. You get caught up in the day-to-day of life that you forget how short a time you will have them, and before you know it, they are grown and starting their own family. Savor all that you can, it will soon pass!

All that being said, I know that God understands mothers, he came up with this job! He knows we are up many times during the night consoling a scared child, dealing with an ear infection, or nursing a baby (many times!). He knows that we are constantly pulled from one need to the next with hardly time to breath sometimes. He knows that we move at super-speed as we try to accomplish all of the day-to-day tasks it takes to run a household which are too many to name here. But, motherhood is only for a brief time and He knows that too! One day we will have the opportunity to sit for hours pouring over scripture and studying every word. One day we will be able to go to bible studies whenever we want.

For most mothers with children in the home, that is not today.

We have to soak up what He puts before us as we go through our day. It may be the question a child asks that causes you to pull out a bible and try to answer it, or maybe it's the devotion you do with them for school, or maybe it's something someone says that catches your attention, or maybe it's through the words of a song. It can be the words of encouragement from a friend or even a blog you read that day. Or maybe it's the way your husband reads a bible story to your children and it really blesses your heart. Whatever it may be for you, accept what the Lord gives you and apply it to your life. Don't live in guilt over not keeping up with someone else's standards.

Most of the time, for me, it's music. Everyday, the Lord teaches me something through the christian cd's that are constantly playing in my home. I can be at my wits end with crying or arguing children when a song will be playing that the Lord uses to calm my heart. Or maybe I am in a bad mood when i turn on a cd and everyone livens up as we sing and dance around the kitchen. Lots of times i am brought to tears through a song that brings me to repentance over my sins or they are tears of joy and thanksgiving when i am reminded of the blessing in my life. I know that God uses songs as a tool to bring me closer to him.

There are other times too. Like mowing the lawn. I love the quiet time i have as i sit and mow, even in the midst of at least one child on my lap. The loud sound of the mower drowns everything else out and i have time to think. Or, lots of times, it's when i am nursing a baby in my rocking chair. God has helped me sort out questions in my mind and shown me what i needed to see, all while rocking and nursing my baby. Lately, its been through the conversations i have with my 7 year old as i point out how we should treat others, from those suffering in other countries or just across town. I also pray all through the day as the need or chance arises.

My point is, that God can speak to us in many ways. For some, that may be a daily scheduled devotion time. For others, it's not. At this stage in my life, He touches and teaches me in the moment, not at a scheduled time. One day, it may be different.

But that's me. How does God reach you?

Don't live in bondage to someones else's idea or even mine of how you should be spending time with the Lord. Listen to him all through out your day. He is speaking, have ready ears to hear Him!

May you be blessed as you seek the Lord in your life!

Mothers

"Oh, mothers of young children, I bow before you in reverence. Your work is most holy. You are fashioning the destinies of immortal souls. The powers folded up in the little ones that you hushed to sleep in your bosoms last night, are powers that shall exist forever. You are preparing them for their immortal destiny and influence. Be faithful. Take up your sacred burden reverently. Be sure that your heart is pure and that your life is sweet and clean." —J.R. Miller, The Family, pg. 106

If you have never read this book, I encourage you to do so. Vision Forum formerly sold it as Homemaking, but now is called The Family. It was written in the 1800's but i am so amazed how much it applies to us today. You will be encouraged in your daily walk through this life! I wish i could post so many more of the paragraphs that made me sigh, smile, cry, and laugh. It really is that good and worth the read!

This is Our Road

As I was washing dishes in the kitchen yesterday and listening to a cd, a song came on that I've heard many times. I love how the Lord does this; I can hear a song 50 times and each time he reveals something new to me. It's always something i need to hear just at that moment, but that same thing didn't mean anything two days before when i heard it.

Well yesterday it was this..."This is Our Road" (from a cd by Serene and Pearl from Above Rubies, titled the same, about marriage. They have several wonderful cd's for mothers and a new one for fathers). A light bulb went off in my mind! The past 6 months have been a time of soul searching, stretching, humbling, and growing for me. Who am I..as a wife, mother, friend, child of God, stranger in public? Am I being who God made me to be or trying to be like someone else? Most of it has not been fun, pleasant, or pretty for myself or others close to me. But, I now feel that i am on the other side and the words, "this is our road" sums it all up. Our road is different from yours and that's ok!

I will explain all that, but just so you know, this is a very humbling thing for me. To share something so personal and even ugly in my personality I wouldn't have even dreamed about a year ago. Pride wouldn't let me. But i am not the same person, thankfully, and the Lord is using even this to help me change. I want to be real to all who read this and know me. I would never want anyone to look at me and my family and think that we have got it all together because we don't! No one does! We fail, sin, and mess up all of the time just like everyone else. Thankfully we have a God that forgives and moves us forward on our road!

Back to my story-

Back in the Fall, while we were at my in-laws, there happened to be a Duggar Family marathon, you know the family with 18 children in Arkansas, on cable (we don't have cable so this was fun for me!). Now large families are not new to me, although 18 is way past what I know, but i am used to the idea of a large family. Even they way they do things is not new, like how they organize their home, feed everyone, do laundry, drive a big van (bus), even they way they dress. Light Bulb!(in my mind), the way they dress. The long skirts, long hair, simple shirts, very modest. I totally can see myself and my daughters looking like them. But then i noticed the dad and boys. They dressed in nice khakies or pants with polo or button down shirts, always tucked in with a belt, lace up shoes, etc. That is not at all who my husband is or will ever be like! So this was the beginning of what the Lord had to teach me. Our conversation went something like this in my mind:

"Are you trying to be like someone else?"

"Whoa Lord, I thought you wanted me to be this way, dress how all these other women dress, act the way they act, train my children their way..."

"Who are you?"

"I am 'trying' to be a godly christian woman like many other godly christian women I know."

"Who did I make you to be?

"A wife and mother."

"To whom?"

"Kenneth and my children."

"I gave you a husband to be the head of your family. I choose him just for you and your children. Follow him! Don't look to other women, men, or even families. I have a plan for them and a different plan for you. Don't try to be something I didn't ever intend for you to be."

"Lord, show me who you made me and my family to be!"

The next 6 months were just that! He has shown and is still showing me who I am supposed to be. I have really learned to let go of comparing myself and my family to others. Not that that is always bad. I do think we need to have good examples to strive for, but when you are trying and trying to make something out of nothing and make it look like so and so, all you wind up with is frustration! Be real, be who God made you to be!

What i realized is that I was trying to make our family look a certain way and that's not really who we are. I really don't like wearing floor length skirts but i did it because that's what I thought godly christian women should do. But my husband never said he wanted me to or that he even liked or didn't like them. I just did it. When I finally asked him, he did have an opinion. He likes a more fitted style, not loose on my hips and shorter. I do still like and wear skirts but i love the mid calf length and more of a bohemian style. I also wear capri pants and jeans from time to time. It's all ok!

I really think I was wanting our family to appear to be the ipitomy of a christian, homeschool family. But we are not! I have tried my hardest to make us appear quiet, well behaved, and respectable looking family, but we are not always. That's not how God wired us. We are a loud family, my children don't always behave, they fight and bicker and sometimes it drives me crazy, sometimes i lose my temper and yell at them, sometimes we eat horrible, non organic food and like it! (yikes), a lot of times i make decisions for our family and never give my husband a chance to be the spiritual leader. The list goes on and on...but i know now not to be ashamed or embarrased of who we are because we are different and that's ok! Of course there are some things that we need to change, but right now, this is our road!

You may dress one way and me another, that's ok. You may discipline your children one way and me another, that's ok. You may bottle feed your baby and me breastfeed, that's ok! You may send your children to public school and me homeschool, that's ok too! As long as we are both seeking the Lord and listening to the guidance of our own husband, it does not matter how we do things, only that we are obeying the Lord!

But on the other hand, for example, if you or I dress one way, but our husband doesn't like it, that's not ok. If you or I are disciplining our children one way, but it's not Biblical, it's not ok! If you or I are reading books or watching programs that make us covet the way other families look, it's not ok! One thing i've learned, is to ask my husband. If there is something I am struggling with in my heart or mind, if i just present it to my hubbie, the problem is solved. He usually has an opinion about it and if not, he gives me his blessing to seek out someone elses opinion. But when I read something and decide that I am just going to change how we do things, it doesn't go over as well.

Another thing the Lord has changed, or is still changing in me, is pride. Now i don't think of myself as a prideful person but what i discovered is that appearing to not need any one else or their help, is a form of pride. I have never asked people for help. When they do offer it, i turn it down because i have never wanted to inconvienience them. I have never felt worthy of needing others help; i should be able to do it all on my own. Right? Wrong as the Lord has shown me. My whole life I have put up a very thick wall around my heart and emotions, very rarely letting anyone penetrate it. Only those who beat down that wall have found a place in my heart. I push everyone else away so they can't hurt me. But what the Lord has shown me is that people can't truly help me if they don't know me and how to help me. If i never share my heartaches, frustrations, and concerns, then i can't expect them to be there for me when i really need them. My sensitivities and hurt feeling always get in the way of true friendships. I have had to learn to let go of those and let my guard down and assume that people are real in their affections towards me, most of the time.

Through all of this life changing experience, I have also just come out of a dry season with the Lord. A time of complacency and ignorance as far as my relationship with God. I got busy with life and just kind of forgot to kindle our relationship. I always hate when this happens but know it's all my fault. I think i can get through life with out him and just slide from one day to the next without much thought or care. Forget to pray continuously, forget to speak tenderly to my children, forget to love the way Jesus loves, forget to read my Bible...and end up lost and lonely!

I love the Ross King song that says something like this, "break up your unplowed grounds, have you so soon forgotten me, lay all your idols down, and return to me." He talks about Hosea and Isaiah and how they also went through these times and what the Lord told them using the analogy of unplowed ground that needs tending to. Look those up sometime. I love the Lord! I don't want to forget him, even for a time. It's not a good place to be. The ground of my heart (and yours) has to always be plowed and planted and tended to if I want anything to grow. Complacency is where satan wants us to be, then he doesn't have to work so hard. I prefer to keep him running!

(If you've never heard of Ross King, he's local, I can't tell you how amazing his music is. The Lord uses most of his songs to teach me lots of things. You will not be disappointed with his cd's. Some are praise and worship and others about life. I have all of them and play them regularly in our home and car. http://www.rosskingmusic.com/ Click on the letters with boxes : )

I have come to be happy with "our road", the one the Lord has us on. It's actually very freeing to not be under the bondage of fitting into a certain mold, whether it be a homeschool mom, soccer mom, christian mom, or Oprah mom, etc. I actually find myself breathing a sigh of relief when i remember that i don't have to perform anymore or ask my children or husband to either! Be who God made you to be and your marriage/family to be. Don't try to be someone else; BE REAL!

So everytime I catch myself thinking, "why don't my children act like them," "why doesn't he do this like him," "why can't i keep it all together like her" the Lord gently reminds me that we are not them! We are unique in our makeup as a family, the way God made us.

Thank you Lord for grace!

Homemade Deodorant : )

Half of you are thinking nothing about the title, the other half are thinking i'm nuts. Either way, I had to share this. A couple of months ago I ran across this recipe to make homemade deodorant and had to try it out. I have searched for years to find a natural deodorant that actually works for my body chemistry, to no avail!
Here's the scoop on deodorant. Anti-persirant does exactly what it says, makes you not perspire. God designed our bodies to sweat. It is our body's way of getting rid of toxins. Therefore, if you don't sweat, you hold in all of those toxins that are really bad for you. It would make sense to me that certain cancers can stem from this build-up of toxins.
S0...
You need to sweat! Doesn't matter who you are, your health depends on sweating. Most women cringe at this, but it is for your own good, I promise!
However...
No one wants to stink. So what do you do? You use a deodorant to help disguise or neutralize the stink. The natural and organic sections in stores are full of lots of different kinds of deodorants these days. Finding the one that right for you is another story!
I tried at least 10 different natural deodorants and never found one that worked well all the time. So let my time, effort and wasted dollars benefit you by trying this recipe first, before spending lots of money on the natural deodorants. It is really so easy and it works.
Here it is:

Homemade Deodorant

1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 cup baking soda
3 Tbs coconut oil
1 deodorant container

For container, just use one of your old twist up containers or buy a cheap one and throw out the junk inside. Completely remove the part inside by twisting it all the way up and taking it out. Then you can clean all of the old stuff out and wash it with soap and water. Let it dry.

Mix the cornstarch and baking soda in a bowl. Melt the coconut oil in a separate bowl in the microwave or on the stove. Slowly pour the oil into the cornstarch/baking soda mix. The consistency should be pasty or slightly crumbly. Add more oil if it's too stiff. If you don't like the coconut smell, just add whatever essential oil scent you like at this point. I love the coconut smell! Then spoon it into the clean, dry container and let it sit overnight to harden or put it in the fridge to harden faster.

When you first begin using it, it may be somewhat abrasive to sensitive armpits. Just be gentle and it will get better the longer you use it. The baking soda is abrasive.

Now, here's what i've found. You will still sweat with this deodorant, good right! However, if you get really sweaty for an extended period, you may start to stink. What I've read about foul body odor is that it is a sign of toxins in your body. Even more reason to sweat and clear it out, although maybe not when you're in public ; ) If this happens, I just put more deodorant on and the smell is gone. Your body will begin to clear stuff out and you will begin to smell better as long as you are eating well! Meaning not lots of sugar, junk foods, partially hydrogenated foods, white flours, trans fats, etc.

So, here's to getting sweaty this summer! Hope this works for you as well as it did for me.

Happy Deodorant Making!!!