To Schedule Your Baby or Not?

This is an article from a recent Above Rubies magazine written by a mom in the same place as a lot of mom's out there. What do you do with your baby as far as getting them to sleep, eat, etc? Should you schedule them or nurse on demand? I hope the following story helps for lots of you out there with new babies or ones on the way!
PS-The books/manuals she mentions are all available through the Above Rubies website (tab on the right) or if you live near me, I have them (and many others) and would love to lend them to you!

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Baby Three Changed my Heart!

I was pregnant with my second child when a friend loaned me The Power of Motherhood. “You’re a fast reader, so read this and tell me what you think,” she said. I dutifully skimmed the book but returned it with a mental, “Thanks, but no thanks, I have a mothering system.” You see, I had read a book about scheduling and getting your babies to sleep through the night--man’s wisdom on parenting. I rigidly followed this schedule which involved letting your baby cry it out to teach the child to sleep.
My first child, Kaiser, slept through the night at six weeks. He was also fully weaned by that time, but he cried a lot to achieve that. The chapter in The Power of Motherhood titled “Mothers are Nurturers” especially grated me. I was convinced that this scheduling method was the way I’d mother all my children.
I read in that chapter from Isaiah 66:10-13, “That you may suck, and be satisfied with the breasts of her consolations: that you may milk out and be delighted with the abundance of her glory. For thus saith the Lord, Behold I will extend peace to her like a river, and the Gentiles like a flowing stream: then shall ye suck, ye shall be borne upon her sides and be dandled upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem.” Nancy followed by saying “Nursing is…total mothering to meet every need of the child…to satisfy, delight, console and comfort.” I was not moved. This way of mothering was not for me!
God gave us baby number two, my little redhead named Hudson. I scheduled him and he slept through the night at six weeks, self-soothing by sucking his thumb. I did manage to nurse him until he was 15 months old. This scheduling was so easy; baby number three would be no problem.
Baby number three arrived, my first little girl, Adeline. I tried to schedule her for the first three months of her life. But she would not be scheduled! She began to NOT sleep! She slept no longer than 45 minutes at a time 24 hours a day. She wanted to sleep with me! A big no-no according to the book. I was reeling! What had happened? Why wasn’t this working?
I was a mess due to the lack of sleep, but God finally had my attention. To save my sanity, I stopped trying to schedule and began to nurse when she needed me. Wonder of wonders, she began to sleep better, though she didn’t sleep through the night until she was five years old!
I began to study the Bible, seeking God’s wisdom. God brought me back to the Isaiah 66 passage and I got it! It had been three years since I had read this passage, but finally I understood. The beauty of mothering by offering my breast for comfort, nourishment and nurturing brought peace to my soul. I was and am at rest.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Mothering my first two children, I was selfish and controlling. I didn’t want to lose sleep! The book said to let the baby cry. Slowly, I became numb to his cries and my heart turned to stone. Even my husband would ask to pick up the crying baby to rock and comfort him, but I said, “No, the book says…”
After Addie, I pressured my husband into scheduling a vasectomy. He was reluctant as he wanted more children, but because I was such a mess, he agreed. A couple of days before the consultation, I read Isaiah 66 again. God used that to not only change my mothering but to open me up to the possibility of more children. We cancelled the appointment and eventually began to study the manual, Be Fruitful and Multiply.
We began to understand God’s plan for families as we went through each Scripture. I wept for the children I had missed out on by controlling my womb. I began to realize my lack of submission to God and my husband. My husband began to understand his role in leading the house. He now has a vision to change the world through godly children.
Since then, God has added two more blessings to our home. At one year, Haven is still nursing strong, day and night! She sleeps in a co-sleeper attached to our bed, and snuggles in an Ergo by day. Addie and Isaiah both nursed until they were almost three years old and weaned only after I got pregnant.
Mothering this way is such a beautiful picture of the love of God! Is it always easy? NO! With every baby I learn more about dying to my self. But, knowing my breasts comfort my little ones brings much peace to me. Now my husband has the opportunity to comfort and rock his little ones too!
LISA FALK
Plainville, Illinois, USA
dltalk@adams.net
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I started off scheduling my babies too. It wasn’t until baby number four, who refused to schedule and refused to sleep through the night until he was comforted at the breast, that I, too, changed to the Isaiah 66 way of mothering. Nancy Campbell
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End note-No mention is made about the benefits of demand nursing and natural baby spacing. It really does work if you know one important thing: You don't want your baby to sleep through the night! It's not that bad though if your baby co-sleeps and just nurses when he needs too. You learn to nurse in your sleep and I actually get more sleep this way then if i have to get out of bed to nurse. Click on the labels to the right for Breastfeeding, Natural Baby Spacing or Birth Control if you want to know more about how this works!~G

Birth Control and Natural Family Spacing

This may not be of interest to everyone out there but I ran across this post i wrote on another blog several years ago. This is kind of our "how we do things" story.

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"Children are a gift from the Lord. They are his reward... Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127 3, 5a
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Here is my story of letting go of control in family size and spacing babies.




For most women out there the thought of not knowing when and how many children they will have is scary, or worse, having too many and too close together, is worse! We want to be "ready" and not surprised by His little blessings.





I have always said, since i was young, that i wanted 6 children and of course every one laughed, but i see now that the Lord was preparing me for what He had in store. After our 2nd child was born, I read "A Full Quiver" by Rick & Jan Hess and "Be Fruitful and Multiply" by Nancy Campbell (both of which i recommend and have to lend out if anyone is interested). These books lay out a Biblical approach to family size and spacing. I also read a secular book called "Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing" by Sheila Kippley and learned mainly what not to do, like use pacifiers and let your baby sleep through the night too early (by letting your baby be nourished and comforted through nursing on demand). The Lord really tugged at my heart to let go of trying to control when and how many children we would have. So, we decided to let go and just see what happened only using demand breastfeeding as a natural birth control.





Ok, so i thought, "here we go, I am going to have one baby right after another because everyone says breastfeeding does not work to space babies." I had given God control, but in my mind, doubted Him by assuming i would turn up pregnant any day. I went through countless pregnancy tests because i was just sure i was pregnant every few weeks.


FYI-I started my cycles back at 6 months of age after our 1st baby, but he used a pacifier, was on a schedule, and started solid foods at 4 months, which i know now, contributed to ovulating earlier. When he was 12 months, "we" decided we were ready to have another baby, which made them 21 months apart. Not that i would trade anything or that it won't happen again, but i had a really hard time adjusting to 2 babies that close together.


So back to my original story, months kept going by and i wasn't pregnant. I couldn't believe it! I thought God gave every woman who "let go" lots of babies one after the next. How foolish i was to assume God didn't know what was best for our family! He knows how much space needs to be in between each child and He won't give us more that we can handle or afford, because they are all his anyway. It's when we "control" things on our own, that we may make things harder for ourselves. My 2nd son was 19 months old when i finally had a cycle (by demand nursing this long most women will have 1-3 infertile cycles). The next cycle was fertile, and we got pregnant. So the spacing was 2 years and 4.5 months, far better than i could have "planned" to space them. And i have to say that adjusting to 3 children was by far easier, than having just one and then two.


God truly showed me how loving and caring He is about little old me and my family. He knows best! Only God knows how many more children we will have, but i hope it's lots. I can not imagine being "done" and never feeling a baby move inside me again or kissing and smelling a beautiful baby head, but whatever the Lord has in store, He will prepare us and provide. Children are truly a gift from God and will one day grow up to serve Him. How exciting to be part of that! How can I deny God my womb, when it isn't mine to begin with.





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Addition- After our 3rd child was born, our story was a little different. I began my cycles when she was around 13 months but did not conceive again until she was 19 months. How ever the Lord chooses to space our babies is His own will. In this case, i went a couple of months, got pregnant, then miscarried, went a few more months, then got pregnant again. The spacing was again around 2.5 years-perfect!

We have been blessed again, 1 year ago, with another baby girl. We now have 2 boys and 2 girls. Everyone tells us if they could choose what pattern to have their children in, this is how they would want it. Funny thing is, this was God's plan, not our own. We could never plan as well as He can!~

We still don't know when or how many children we will have. We just take life day-to-day and wait for the Lord.